I wonder if you have had that experience of crashing, of everything suddenly being too much, and you ask yourself why? Why can’t I manage this? I did manage that other time. I did much more yesterday. Why can’t I do it all now? This is really frustrating!
Sometimes, we just lack the capacity, but we haven’t noticed. We have a limited amount of energy, mental and physical, and it can change from day to day or even situation to situation. Some days, it is as though we have a bath tub of capacity. We take everything in our stride, we can deal with the unexpected, there is space to be flexible. At other times, the bathtub has shrunk to the size of a child’s bucket and we can still try to carry a bath of water. With so much to do and pressure on ourselves, we can find this at least irritating, if not infuriating! Often this frustration can be turned outwards towards others or in towards ourselves.
What I am describing will be familiar to anyone with a chronic illness and fighting against it, trying to power on through by sheer force of will can make things worse. How would it change things if we took a moment? To check in with ourselves, to consider all that has happened through the day, without comparing it to another time? Many things affect our capacity such as sleep, health, exercise/diet changes, underlying worries and the physical realities of time and energy limitations. So often we believe we have to keep going and get through the situation. Yet we can stop, we can take a few minutes, and this can bring huge benefits in terms of focussing on what is really important in the moment. What do I actually have capacity for?
“So how am I today? Well I guess I didn’t sleep well last night, and I’ve still got the end of that cold from last week, so it makes sense that I’m tired. I feel pressure to get all those things on my list done before Jane comes over later, but actually, that list was pretty unrealistic, I just don’t have time, especially when I don’t feel one hundred percent. And I am quite distracted by that phone call with Mum last night, it’s really on my mind. If I try and rush round to any more shops and finish that email I started I will just collapse. Ok, pause, what do I need to do? I can leave that email for another day. I do want to go to one more shop because it will be helpful to get that item before tomorrow morning, but I’m going to just sit and enjoy the sunshine for a moment first so I feel a bit calmer.”
Take a moment now. How do you feel? Is your capacity a bucket, an egg cup, a bathtub?! Notice it through the day. Do you need to give yourself permission to pause, to work within your capacity?
